I've Been Reaped

Hello all.

I am depressed right now. I just failed a final. I am sooo sad. I feel terrible. I liked the teacher and class, yet I still failed. There were only 10 questions I wasn't for sure on...I want to cry. Also, I am sick of Oral Comm and of waking up early. I am so tired. It feels like nothing is going right today. Well, my only high of the day so far was talking with a floor mate and sitting by a cute guy in class, oh, and breakfast. I like to feel included. I thrive on that. I feel I've been deprived when I was younger so now I yearn for it so much more. I have German homework to do. And a thank you card to write. I feel crushed. A sinking feeling. I want to crawl into a dark corner and curl up and weep until the world is right again. But the world is slowly descending into an ignorant, ungodly stupor of self-destruction and self-immoralization...so what's the point? I know, I know. I need to go out for God, my friends, my family, and all, but I feel down. I get very upset when my grades aren't good enough and it's even worse when I can't do anything about it because it's already carved out in permanent ink. I suppose it is only fitting that I'm quite down today because my weekend was pretty good and yesterday was really good (for the most part).

Yesterday I had a positive attitude because 1) I got an A on an Archaeology test 2) I got my Secret Reaper package and 3) I got to hang with some clubbies (this doesn't seem to be great...but I was included and got to know some of the girls better).


It seems that I'm not the only one having trouble finding friends. I think one of my friends is almost as sad as I am (or so I discerned from a recent message). I have no trouble finding people to eat with if I am just coming back from a class (for the most part) or if I happen to run into a floor mate, but other than that I am on my own. No super close people that call and invite me to go or something. Ah man...I sound so selfish...but I am lonely.

Anyways, my reaper package. I was so excited when I got it! Let's just say that as soon as it was in my hands, I started ripping into it. But I only opened the top to the glittery streamer-like things. When I got back to my dorm room, that's when I really started digging in. I took pics too! Let me just say that my reaper went WAY above and beyond the call of duty. I was shouting "Oh my gosh! This is so cool!" and jumping up and down like a child at Christmas when I was pulling out each gift one by one. I'm definitely signing up for that again next year! Except I'm going to include cats and Disney in my interests.


We're doing a play for Global Lit. I'm the cook in The Fate of a Cockroach.

I had a meeting with a german prof today. It went well. She asked how I was doing and how my other classes were and how her class could be improved (unfortunately, she can't do anything about the time).

I am going to a Titanic themed meal tonight...still debating whether I should dress up.

And then later tonight I'm taking a test for thirty dollars! But it'll take like an hour and a half.

Thanks!
God Bless!
Tiff
PS: The title of this is significant because 1) I got my reaper gift (obviously) and 2) when you first read it, it looks like something waaay worse...but I feel that vulnerability...